REPENTING OF MY MISOGYNOIR CONDITIONING

REPENTING OF MY MISOGYNOIR CONDITIONING

A little bit ago, a FB friend called me out on my misogynoir conditioning and I am grateful. She had posted on her 

timeline about how someone did a small poll of Black women and found that only one out of all of them felt protected by 

Black men. I jokingly responded, ‘Who is the one?’ meaning under this current climate, we cannot even protect ourselves 

or our CHILDREN. Then I said the final thing, clearly missing the point entirely: ‘We need to fire ALL of the white cops 

from elsewheres patrolling and brutalizing Black spaces’. Then she corrected me by saying that while there is 

intersectionality, that she and most everyone else on her page were talking about the rampant domestic abuse 

(meaning Black men raping and brutalizing Black women both inside and outside of the home. Then I understood.

But just to make sure, she tagged me on a painful post where a Black woman posted her bruises and lost teeth after being

brutalized by her male mate. The same woman posted to encourage other women to listen to the warning signs and

get out before this happens to them. But this was more than just a misunderstanding for me. You see another person 

commented how the only Black man responding on her page at that time was basically deflecting the blame to white cops

from elsewheres, so clearly she got the posts meaning but I did not...because of my misogynoir conditioning. So I 

apologized on both of her posts and thanked her for calling me out on my sin and promised that I would repent...again. 

Then I prayed about it and meditated for a good while. As I did, I began to see the ramifications of my evil. You see, I’m

a shepherd, and where I go the sheep will follow. And I cannot afford to be blindly walking around risking others 

going astray right along with me. And as I opened my eyes, that’s clearly what I saw - the other sheep going astray.

I also saw how I was guilty long before being called out on it. At one point previously, I had posted that we are battling on 

many fronts and first have to eliminate those from the outside attacking in because otherwise the obviously guilty 

rapists and physical abusers will be punished right along with the innocent Black men who consistently do hard time for the 

crime of just being accused. That was wrong of me. We can - and must - fight this battle on all fronts. 

After all, I walk and chew gum on many, many separate issues. Why should this one be any different? My misogynoir 

conditioning was telling me the same thing that white folk say: “Stand with us in this election against the ‘common 

enemy’ and this time we’ll make sure that your needs get met.” And now that I’ve banned the white gaze, this is the 

perfect time to talk about my evil thoughts and the damage that they do. Few think about the pain Black women go 

through having to point out again and again and again and again how the ones supposed to be their staunchest allies in 

the fight are also their greatest adversaries on EVERY level. When I apologized, she was very gracious to me - a mercy 

that I did not deserve. But I guess that’s what mercy is... isn’t it? So what is the damage that I did, or am I just making 

shallow pontifications? The damage is that there is a spiritual connection amongst ALL of us. And whenever I’m not pulling 

towards the light, I’m being dragged to the darkness. For example: when I casually reposted how we STILL don’t have 

reparations yet everyone else gets benefits, I failed to see how in that post, it was compared to the tax grants gay 

couples get. When a friend of mine pointed this out, I brushed it off and put an addendum comment that the gay 

couples rebate was the same one that cis couples get and had NOTHING to do with reparations at all. But from later 

comments, I saw that the damage had already been done with my post and my little caveat was not enough to stem the 

tide of anti-gay recriminations. Not that I’ve stayed silent recently on Black male abusers, but any lapse seems to send 

a psychic message that it’s open season on calling out Black women for calling out Black men. Hence the uptick where 

folk like Cosby (a convicted rapist of estimated 60+ women) is STILL is interviewed to be seen in a ‘better light’. 

If I don’t draw the line and fight all of the battles placed before me then who will? If I do not steer the sheep towards

sanity on every level, then who’s gonna? You see I am mighty and walk among the giants who tremble when I approach 

because the Almighty is with me. But when I am not online with the Almighty then my powers waver. So I am grateful to

my friend, Elaine, who does me a kindness by calling me out, though it is NEVER easy for the one doing the calling out,

even under the best of circumstances, and though being called out never ‘feels’ loving - like a prodding that it’s time

to hit the gym and change my diet, but the results, if taken well and to heart,often life-changing.

I need to get back to my original conviction: ‘We need to end this misogynoir scourge by calling out the evil EVERY SINGLE 

TIME and there is no freedom to be had unless we ALL are free and there can be no ‘FIRST US, THEN YOU’. 

So I will continue to repent and PROVE it by my deeds. Be well.